MILES OF ASS
AWARDS
For every obsessed runner who treats their GPS watch like a deity.
Strava addicts. Garmin worshippers. Pace obsessives. Kudos beggars. This is their hall of shame... and secretly, their hall of fame.
The Unspoken Rules
Every runner knows these. Few will admit them.
"The GPS watch doesn't lie. But you do."
Every runner, eventually
"Recovery run: (noun) A fast run you lie about later."
Every runner, eventually
"Strava or it didn't happen. Strava AND it still might not have."
Every runner, eventually
"Your body peaked at 28. Your Garmin obsession peaked at 42."
Every runner, eventually
Know Someone Who...
Every running group has these people. Look around. If you can't spot them, it's you.
Checks their watch mid-conversation?
Detours 2 miles for a Strava segment?
Likes their own activity 'to get it going'?
Won't run without GPS confirmation?
Peaked in one race, talks about it forever?
Cropped out the slow splits from their post?
They deserve their CERTIFICATION.
Miles of Ass Awards
For the data-obsessed, segment-hunting, kudos-farming runners of the world.
Upload the Shame. Share the Glory.
Know someone who treats their Garmin like a life coach? Who begs for kudos like a digital panhandler? Who peaked in 2019 and won't shut up about it?
It's time for their official certification.
Nominate a Runner"If it's not on Strava, it didn't happen." And even if it is, we still have questions.
