Resume Builder Ass

This ass had a child and immediately began optimizing the asset. Childhood? Crushed, by age six, right on schedule. There is Mandarin. There is competitive fencing. There is a nonprofit the eight-year-old technically founded. Every activity is a line item, every summer a strategic investment, every hobby quietly evaluated for its return on a future college application. The kid just wanted to dig a hole in the yard. The kid is now enrolled in a hole-digging intensive with a certified coach. It is love, expressed as a spreadsheet, and it will produce a spectacular resume and an incoming wave of therapy bills the child will one day itemize themselves. A general manager and a parent, in roughly that order.