Mouth Tape Ass

This ass has turned going to bed into a competitive event, and step one is taping their mouth shut. Nasal breathing, they will tell you, optimizes sleep, oxygen, and, somehow, the jaw again. So every night they mummify their own face, strap on the tracker, and lie down to be graded. Sleep is no longer rest; it is a performance with a scorecard, and they wake to review their stats before their own name. They have made unconsciousness stressful. A person who found the one activity that asked nothing of them and figured out how to compete at it, mouth taped, unbeaten, exhausted.