Loud Ass

They have never whispered. Not once. Not at the funeral, not in the library, not during the sonogram. This ass was born mid-sentence and has not yielded the floor since. Their inside voice is a rumor. Their outside voice has its own weather advisory. They do not join conversations, they annex them, and by minute two the whole restaurant knows their cousin's legal situation. Dogs three houses down have opinions about their opinions. They walked into a silent room once and it has never fully recovered. Turn it down? They wouldn't know how. Never have. Never will. Volume, thy name is legend.