Lazy Ass

This ass has thought about doing the thing so many times that they consider it basically done. Effort is a resource to be conserved, and they conserve it like the last canteen in a desert. They have engineered elaborate systems purely to avoid standing up. They will wait forty minutes for someone else to reach the remote that is nine inches away. It is not that they cannot. It is that they ran the numbers and the couch won. Deadlines find them horizontal and unbothered. And the truly maddening part? Somehow it all still gets done, at the last possible second, perfectly, from a fully reclined position. Efficiency, they call it.