Ingredient List Ass
"If you cannot pronounce it, it is suspicious."
This ass has never once eaten anything without first interrogating it. If they cannot pronounce it, it is suspicious. If it has more than five ingredients, it is practically a felony. They read labels in the grocery store the way a detective reads a suspect, and they hold opinions about your pantry that you did not request and cannot escape. Seed oils are the enemy. Everything is either healing you or slowly killing you, with no middle ground and no snacks. They will accept a single chip only after a full forensic review. A wellness inspector working a beat that covers your entire kitchen, unpaid, tireless, and deeply, personally concerned about your yogurt.
Know someone who has earned the Ingredient List Ass? Put them up for it.
