Grounding Ass

This ass takes their shoes off and stands on the ground to absorb the earth's electrons, which they are fairly sure is a thing. It is called grounding, and it has cured, by their account, their inflammation, their anxiety, and their sleep, all by standing in the yard looking contemplative. They have grounding sheets. They have a grounding mat for the desk. They will remove their shoes at a park with the serenity of a man plugging himself into the planet. Do they feel better? Genuinely, probably, from standing outside doing nothing, which was free the whole time. Stay grounded, you barefoot, electron-hungry legend.