Fat Ass

This ass has never let a staircase win an argument and has never once regretted the second helping. Life is short and the appetizer menu is long, and their priorities are in impeccable order. They will not run for the bus. The next one is coming and the seat is more comfortable anyway. They know every good spot in a forty-mile radius by name, vibe, and portion size. Cardio is a rumor. Dessert is a certainty. They out-negotiated a treadmill once and it apologized. Unbothered, well-fed, and better stocked in snacks than a vending machine, they simply decided comfort was the flex, and the confidence eats too.