Fake Ass

This ass is everyone's favorite, verified, on rotation, and not one word of it is real. The smile is professional-grade. The compliment arrives warm and leaves a receipt. They will hug you at the door and dissect you in the driveway, in the same voice, at the same volume, and you will never be able to prove a thing. Two-faced is unfair; both faces are excellent, fully committed, awards-caliber work. You will not know where you actually stand with them until it is far too late to do anything about it. A master of the room, beloved by all, and trusted by absolutely no one who has been paying close attention.