Email Theater Ass

This ass has never met a reply-all button they did not regard as a stage. A simple thank-you becomes a performance, cc'ing leadership, looping in stakeholders, ensuring that their diligence is witnessed by the widest possible audience. The email is not communication. It is theater, and they are always, always playing to the balcony. They will announce completed tasks with the flourish of a curtain call and flag their availability like breaking news. Every inbox in the building is their auditorium, whether it purchased a ticket or not. A dramatist of the workplace, forever chasing a standing ovation for a message that could, and truly should, have been a quiet Slack.