Chronic Lateness Ass

This ass has never been on time for anything, including, one suspects, their own arrival into this world, and they blame, in strict order, the traffic, the parking, the weather, and a cosmic conspiracy that somehow targets only them. Time is a suggestion they have politely declined. They will agree to seven, leave at seven, and arrive, breezy and unbothered, at a quarter past, with a story. The world has adjusted, secretly telling them everything starts half an hour early, and even then they are late. Punctuality is a language they never learned. A person perpetually running behind their own life, apologizing beautifully, changing absolutely nothing.