Cheap Ass

This ass has never picked up a check in recorded history and has the reflexes of a mongoose the second one hits the table. They will calculate their exact third of an appetizer they did not order. They reuse, re-gift, and re-negotiate. They have a coupon for that, a friend who does it cheaper, and a very long story about why they are not paying for parking. It is not that they cannot afford it. It is that parting with money causes them visible physical pain, right there on the face, like a man watching his own funeral. Generous with opinions. Ungenerous with everything that has a price.