Birthday Month Ass

This ass does not have a birthday. They have a season, a campaign, a multi-week festival of themselves that begins the moment the previous one ends. There is a countdown. There is a color scheme. There are events, plural, each with a theme and a required dress code and a group chat you were added to without consent. The actual day is merely the finale of the tour. To question the length is to be labeled, gently, a hater. It is not vanity, they insist. It is celebrating life. And they will be celebrating it, loudly, at you, for approximately thirty-one consecutive days. Stay festive, you tireless legend of your own honor.