Birthday Industrial Complex Ass

This ass has turned a four-year-old's birthday into a logistics operation that would humble a wedding planner. There is a theme, a photographer, a balloon architect, and a dessert table engineered for the algorithm rather than the child, who wanted, and received, none of it. The party is not for the kid. The party is content. Each year must eclipse the last, a rising arms race of petting zoos and custom cakes, all documented for an audience of other parents being quietly, expensively out-parented. Love, expressed at maximum budget and maximum reach. The child just wanted the box the pony came in. Stay extravagant, you exhausted legend of the theme party.